Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
