sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
