i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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