That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
