the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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