Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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