Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
