first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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