im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I party with great urgency now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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