Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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