he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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