so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
