Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
