All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
