Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
