He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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