How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
