This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
whose parrot is this?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
