My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize