I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
