You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
