Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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