i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
