Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
