We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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