guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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