I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
