So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
