Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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