She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
