I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
