you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
