At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
