dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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