I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You took a bar mat shot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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