You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
