I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
