If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
