i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My pussy is not your playground.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
