We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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