there's paper in my vomit.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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