There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
