do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
two words: eviction party
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
