just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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