i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
