Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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