It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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