That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
