It's like God shit irony all over that family
people are starting to question the shark bite story
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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