is your mom at the bar?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
