I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
