He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
