Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
