we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
