every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Randomize
