did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
